Wednesday, October 31, 2012

An emotional week

And it's only Wednesday.  I don't exactly have the time to be blogging right now so I will make this short.

  Algebra sucks.

Yesterday in class I had to turn off my camera because I couldn't grasp the concept and got lost right from the beginning.  The farther he went into the lesson, the more overwhelmed I became, which led to lots and lots of tears, and every time I raised my hand to ask a question, and he called on me, I choked up.  YEP in front of the whole class.  Embarrassment wasn't my biggest issue at this point.  All I could think about was how I missed the assignment, and quiz, and now I can't even think about grasping week 2's lesson, and there is no way I am going to pass this course...cue more tears.

    Now that I am crying uncontrollably and there is no possible way I can obtain any information, I want to end the session, i.e.; give up.  But I can't because if I do that, then I will lose precious class points.  So there must be a glimmer of hope in there somewhere so I keep listening.  Then I am getting worked up because I am so far behind I cannot possibly understand at this point.  I see all my other classmates get the concept, and feel even more like algebra is my enemy, and my brain simply cannot, will not there is truly a misfire there.

  Eventually I get the nerve to raise my hand again.  The words won't come, no voice without tears GRRR.  (This is like, but not worse than when the Admiral came to our ship and they chose me to take his dinner order because I was best suited for the job and I froze!  I'll leave it up to you to guess if there were tears in that situation. ) The instructor realizes I am having another moment and begins to move on, but WAIT!  The words come!  Halleleua I am able to ask a question!!  He realizes how far back I got lost and works with me through the break.  The reason I did not stop him in the beginning was that he stressed wanting to get through the first part quickly so we could spend more time on the word problems.  So he cleared up some of it for me, and I was able to move on...somewhat.

  I joined a tutoring session after class and got a little more help, then tried to do it totally on my own later and was lost.  Hmmm.

My house is a disaster.
I am doing horrible at algebra
The laundry is folded and in baskets
I need to know the workings of the heart and cardio respiratory system by the end of the week
The weight of my life is on me

I pray
I run
I feel better.

This has been a very emotional week.  I cannot let my emotions take control.  I am casting my eyes on things above, things not of this world.  I will get through this somehow.

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