Monday, September 10, 2012

Feeling failure...maybe I need a change.

  Well, it seems that I promised myself at some point in this running journey that I would not compromise.  I was holding pretty good to that, even last Thursday I wasn't able to get a run in due to a busy schedule in the morning.  Then in the afternoon I was having stress pains so I put it off.  Finally that night I told myself "you have just long enough to get the three miles in before it gets dark.", so I put on my running gear and blasted the three miles!  I even set a personal record!  It was dark and I was out of breath considerably when I came rolling up the driveway. But I felt pretty darn good.

  Then it occurred to me.  That night run went so well because it was different, a change.  I don't think I have become bored with running, although I do think I have become bored with my route.  There are other courses I can take, but I get nervous about doing so because at least on my route I know when I am almost done, or to my half way point, or where the dog is that is going to bark at me any minute.  I know which side of the road to run on to avoid blackberry branches that stick out too far, or to stay in plain sight of drivers.  I know the air is safe and I won't be breathing in exhaust fumes....But sometimes I wonder if the fear of the unknown is part of the victory of trying something new.  Does that make sense? 

  I have noticed that on my cross train days (when I do actually cross train) after I am done lifting weights (okay, if you just pictured me on a weight bench with a bar across my chest pressing 100 lbs, you are welcome to keep that image, but I gotta tell you it's not correct, picture more like me standing with  a 12 lb weight in each hand with quivering arms on about the 10th rep pushing upwards) that I always feel most like running.  Sooooo....I am thinking about going to the gym, doing some weight training, then heading outside for a run around the nearby neighborhood, or the footpath.  The day I can program into my phone step by step spoken directions for a new neighborhood run, I will be so thankful!

  Saturdays are usually my long run days.  This Saturday I was scheduled to do a 5K race, that is 3.2 miles.  If I have no races in my area, or don't feel like shelling out the money to run in one, then I just do the mileage.  The reason Higdon puts races on the schedule is to see where one is speed wise.  Well, I had every excuse in the book to blow off that run.
1. my kids were both at sleepovers
2. my husband had the day off and wanted to spend it together 
3. I already know my pace from the awesome three I ran Thursday night...
and the list goes on.

  So I listened to my voices.  The scale reflects my failure. And I need to stop beating myself up and get back on the wagon.  Here is another crux.  Today is a scheduled rest day, and I really want to stick to the schedule.  I will not run or do weights today because I have a big week ahead of me with running, and will need my energy, but I won't be able to help feeling like a failure because I didn't run on Saturday when I truly could have found a way.  

  This is what I will tell myself.  Tomorrow is a run day.  You will run.  You will do great because of all that rest you had.  It will set a nice tone for the day and the week.

  Praying that I get all my runs in despite the voices and my new schedule.

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