Friday, June 15, 2012

Insecurity

This story has been on my mind, but I keep forgetting to write about it.

  I get very excited to see other people out on runs or walks.  A couple of weeks ago I was on a new route not near my house, in one of those sort of business park areas.  I like it because it has all sidewalks, no dodging traffic, or worrying about being seen over the crest of a hill.  This particular day was a cross train.  In fact it was the day I surprised myself by walking 3 miles.  As I am walking I look over at these two women on the other side of the street having a brisk walk.  So I waved a little hello.  As if to say hey there fellow exercisers!  Well no one waved back.  HOW RUDE!  So immediately I begin tearing them down in my mind.  Picking on the one for having full on work out gear for a walk!  Whatever!  If I wasn't having to cross train today, I would SMOKE you weaklings!  Yep...all this because they did not wave back to me.  If they did see me, I would say that yes that is a rude and snobby thing to do.  But it hadn't occurred to me till just now that they really may not have seen me.  Okay...now I feel a little sheepish.  I would like to clarify that I do NOT think I am better or stronger than people who walk.  I know running is not for everyone, and I like to walk every once and a while myself.  In fact I lost my first 25 lbs 11 years ago walking.  It's just that I was upset.  I guess it was like being in Jr. High all over again with those mean girls who think they are so much better, and I really did feel like I was so much less.  I am just thankful that I came home to a mom who lifted me up and encouraged me.  Those feelings still come around.  Especially at my fitness center.  I always feel like such a huge dork.  Not in a good way at all.  I feel like everyone is looking at me like I am weird.  It doesn't help that I do things out of the ordinary, but I guess if they are judging me or thinking me strange, then they can have it.  I know I am loved by the King, and people most important in my life.

  My run today was AWESOME!!!  I tried to wait till morning "traffic" would be over.  I didn't want to interfere with peoples drive to work, and school, and busses.  When I couldn't take it anymore I started my warm up in my drive way, set my Nike plus app, and was out of the gate!  The air was tolerable (not cold) and the sun was shining in a beautiful blue sky, it even smelled good outside!  As I was running and thinking to myself it's just a few more tenths before I get to the first mile, my app said I had gone a mile at a pace of 8:15, for me that would be super duper fast, I got really excited, but realized near the end of my run, that the app was off base and clocked in early for that mile, however I did run the 5 miles at an average pace of 8:34.  When I got to my driveway I still had 2 tenths of a mile to go.  Those were the hardest 2/10'ths I ran today!  I pushed myself toward the end for a good time and when I reached my driveway, I was pretty exhausted.  Aside from that, if you are a person that becomes touched easily by a heartwarming story...don't listen while you run.  Crying and running is not easy.

  I got a great stretch in outside on my mat.  How nice that was in the warm sunshine!  I drank some water then hopped in the shower.  Then I had what I call "the lights in my eyes".  This is something that has happened to me about 3 times now in the past 2 years.  I can link it to exercise, and drinking a lot of water, but I am just not sure of the exact combination.  I did ask the doctor, but there was no specific answer.  Then later I suffered a headache that I eventually had to take ibuprofen for, and it wasn't wanting to go away.  

  So, great run, bad aftermath.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.  By the way, I decided that since I am training for a few more weeks why not try to drop a few more pounds.  If you want to track my progress and listen to me jabber on about my struggles and success, you will find that at www.imusthavegainedmuscle.blogspot.com  

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